Saturday, 9 August 2008

Tourists

A word of warning, I am about to launch into a rant, you might want to get comfortable, pour yourself a drink (tea / coffee / large Bacardi (the only measure Ms Rocher knows) / glass of water)...




I was in a little internet café / bookstore yesterday when these two tourists arrived, they began by interrogating the young lad working there about the net service and its costs. He explained that it was 1 Kroon per minute, and you could purchase in blocks of 5 mins. They then asked what that was in euros. Now, its the first time in my life that I have ever converted something into a currency other than my own in order to justify the expense.



1 euro buys you 1.6 Canadian Dollars



1 euro buys you 15.65 Estonian Kroon



Basically a 10 min session in this cafe would be 10 Kroon or 1.03 Canadian Dollars or 0.63 Euro.


You have noticed that we are not talking about the sums involved in the national debt of a 3rd world country, mere pocket change. Well Canadian male goes on to discuss with his wife, at length, whether they should buy 5mins or 10mins as they didnt want to buy more than they needed. Then he begins to complain to the young lad working there because they dont accept Euros. Imagine that, a shop in a country only accepting its own country's currency? Whatever the fuck next?


Well if this attempt at Canadian - Estonian relations couldnt get worse he then says to the young assistant, you speak English really well, I was expecting him to pat the lad on the head...I considered the possibility of asking to see their passports, ripping them up and then inviting them to remain in Canada for the rest of their sorry ass lives.


Phew, I feel better for that...





These young bikers arrived to do some stunts in a local park. One of them had so much body protection he has clearly got a future in the riot police, or thinks he is Valentino Rossi, and just in case you have never heard of this man, there is a link here. He had a full face crash helmet, arm and lower leg protection, gloves and what resembled a motor bike jacket. Yet all they actually did was ride their bikes up, sit for about 2 mins and then get chased away by a man with a flourescent jacket, or jobsworth prick, whatever you prefer. Afterall there were adults getting smashed on cheap booze but he never seemed bothered with them...





I decided today that its better to get stung than freak out like a big girl if a wasp looks at me. I know thats not exactly Wildean but its pretty darned accurate. Feel free to use at will.




I went to the cinema this afternoon, was going to see Mamma Mia (not a word Andrew, not a word) but it wasn't on at times which suited, which meant I ended up going to Hancock. Well what a complete pile of crap, how this film secured a budget I will never know. Complete rubbish, save urself 1hr 40mins of your life, get drunk, defrost the freezer, just anything but watch this movie.

Buyers and Sellers

I couldn't help noticing that there was a few young men standing around in the park where the bikers were, it appeared they were in the business of buying or selling. Now, I stared for a bit, to be honest for a bit too long, til one of them thought I must be a buyer. Which is all very well, but it was unclear to me if they were selling drugs or company...

The Kerryman's Paisley joke...

Ian Paisley is given some really expensive material during a visit to Japan, so when he returns to Ballymena he asks a Tailor to make him a suit. He is disappointed to discover that he has only enough for trousers and waiscoat or trousers and jacket but not all three. He decides to try elsewhere, in Belfast the tailor he approaches explains that he can't do any better. Undeterred he decides to chance his luck in a visit to Dublin, sure enough he finds a Tailor, he takes his measurements and advises he can make:

  1. A jacket
  2. A waistcoat
  3. 2 pairs of trousers
  4. socks
  5. underwear

Paisley completely shocked that the Dublin tailor can make all this compared to his Northern counterparts asks how is this possible...

Well the Dub explains...you might be a big man in the North, but you're not down here...

boom, boom...now folks, atleast ur in the comfort of your own homes, I had to fake a smile at about 4am, standing in the cold outside the hotel...

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